How the Buddha played a parental role in training his son Rahula from adolescence to adulthood to achieve enlightenment and how we should train our children as Buddhist parents.



Based on these 3 suttas ๐Ÿ. ๐€๐ฆ๐›๐š๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ค๐š-๐ซ๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐š๐๐š ๐’๐ฎ๐ญ๐ญ๐š: ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‘๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š ๐š๐ญ ๐Œ๐š๐ง๐ ๐จ ๐’๐ญ๐จ๐ง๐ž (๐Œ๐ข๐๐๐ฅ๐ž ๐‹๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก ๐ƒ๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ), ๐Ÿ. ๐Œ๐š๐ก๐š-๐‘๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐š๐๐š ๐’๐ฎ๐ญ๐ญ๐š: ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐†๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐„๐ฑ๐ก๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐‘๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š (๐Œ๐ข๐๐๐ฅ๐ž ๐‹๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก ๐ƒ๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ), ๐Ÿ‘. ๐‚๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š-๐‘๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐š๐๐š ๐’๐ฎ๐ญ๐ญ๐š: ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐„๐ฑ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐‘๐š๐ก๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š (๐Œ๐ข๐๐๐ฅ๐ž ๐‹๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก ๐ƒ๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ•), the Buddha provided to Rahula at different stages of his life, which mirrors the three training paths to awakening: virtue, meditation, and wisdom. Parents, who are willing to pass on spiritual teachings and values to their children, should be inspired by the Buddha and how he guided Rahula in his spiritual journey. The Buddha’s response to Rahula’s request for inheritance, in which he encourages Rahula to ordain and inherit his path to liberation, serves as a model for the author in imparting Buddhist principles to their own child. (Note: After ordaining Rahula, King Suddhodana, the father of the Buddha objected to this decision and suggested Buddha not to ordain anyone without family consent, Buddha agreed with it and made a monastic code to apply that rule)

๐•๐ข๐ซ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ž (๐’๐ขฬ„๐ฅ๐š):
In the first story (1. Ambalatthika-rahulovada Sutta: Instructions to Rahula at Mango Stone (Middle Length Discourse 61)), the Buddha teaches his son Rahula about living a life of integrity. When Rahula told a deliberate lie at the age of eight, the Buddha used a simple yet powerful analogy to convey the importance of truthfulness. He explained that someone unashamed of lying has a spiritual life as empty as an upside-down bowl. The Buddha emphasized the need to avoid falsehood, even in jest.

This approach highlights the ineffectiveness of harsh punishment in disciplining children and underscores the significance of imparting moral values calmly. After addressing the lie, the Buddha urged Rahula to reflect on the consequences of his actions, focusing on whether they bring harm or benefit. This approach shifts the moral framework from absolutes to self-awareness and empathy.

The Buddha’s guidance stresses the importance of cultivating a child’s capacity for empathy, emphasizing the role of parental modeling. He also encouraged Rahula to admit mistakes and seek guidance from wise individuals when harm is done. This highlights the crucial role parents play in nurturing a child’s integrity, as children are more likely to be honest when they are in a trusting and supportive environment rather than a punitive one.

๐Œ๐ž๐๐ข๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง (๐’๐š๐ฆ๐šฬ„๐๐ก๐ข):
The second story (2. Maha-Rahulovada Sutta: The Greater Exhortation to Rahula (Middle Length Discourse 62)) illustrates how the Buddha introduced meditation to his son Rahula as a means to nurture inner well-being. At a young teen, Rahula expressed vanity about his appearance to his father during their morning almsround. The Buddha responded by teaching him a profound lesson on the consequences of self-attachment through identifying with the physical body or any mental aspects.

This teaching raises questions about admonishing a teenager for feelings of vanity and interfering with their normal developmental process. However, the Buddha’s response becomes clear in his subsequent guidance. After Rahula’s request for instruction in breathing meditation, the Buddha used analogies to explain how to maintain equanimity during meditation, emphasizing the importance of qualities like lovingkindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. Only then did he teach Rahula breath meditation in sixteen stages, highlighting its power in cultivating inner well-being and preparing for the moment of one’s death.

This approach offers an alternative to rigid self-conceptions and underscores the importance of inner tranquility. It’s a method that can help adolescents navigate the challenges of self-identity and find stability and peace during their teenage years. Additionally, breath meditation is emphasized as a valuable practice throughout life, including in preparing for the end of one’s life.

๐–๐ข๐ฌ๐๐จ๐ฆ (๐๐š๐งฬƒ๐งฬƒ๐šฬ„):
In the final sutta (3. Cula-Rahulovada Sutta: The Shorter Exposition to Rahula (Middle Length Discourse 147), the Buddha guides his devoted son Rahula toward liberating wisdom. By this time, Rahula had dedicated much of his teenage years to the path of awakening, demonstrating exceptional commitment to training. When Rahula turned twenty, his father recognized that he was close to achieving liberation. The Buddha took his son deep into the woods, where he led Rahula through a comprehensive series of questions aimed at unraveling the clinging to the concept of a self. For someone as well-trained as Rahula, shedding the deeply ingrained belief in an essential self can be the last obstacle to liberation. The Buddha’s teaching on not-self is not merely abstract philosophy but practical instruction on finding happiness through letting go.

The setting in nature is significant, as it highlights the different perspectives and sense of peace that nature provides, facilitating the release of self-concern. The experience of contemplating letting go amidst a quiet grove of trees contrasts with doing so in the confines of urban life. This sutta emphasizes the importance of self-discovery within the context of the natural world.

The story of Rahula’s journey illustrates how the pursuit of awakening is the greatest happiness in Buddhism. The hope for one’s children is to lead them on the path of awakening, providing them with the peace, happiness, and safety that it offers. The three trainings of virtue, meditation, and wisdom are essential components of this path.





Buddhist perspectives towards Happy Married Life

Buddhism emphasizes the importance of a happy married life. According to Ven. K.ย Sri Dhammananda, a Buddhist monk, a happy married life is based onย tolerance, trustworthiness, mutual understanding, selflessness, respect, virtue, fulfilling obligations, honesty, security, good verbal conduct, and companionship. This means being fully present in the relationship, listening actively, and understanding the needs and emotions of one’s partner. By cultivating mindfulness, couples can develop deeper connections and communicate more effectively.

The Buddha has taught many suttas regarding married life to the laities to maintain their lives happily. Buddhism teaches that the husband and wife should fulfill their duties towards each other to avoid separation or divorce. The Buddha also emphasized the importance of love and attentiveness in a marriage.

The most popular suttars are Singalovada Sutta, Uggaha Sutta, Sanvasa Sutta, Samajivi Sutta, Mallika Sutta, Sattabhariya Sutta in the Digha Nikaya and the Anguttara Nikaya. There is also a series of stories of a famous Buddhist couple about โ€˜Nakula Mata and Nakula Pitaโ€™ who can be deemed as good role models to emulate for lay-married couples, in order to live in harmony, loving-kindness, and mutual understanding with each other.

Moreover, if there is mutual understanding and faith between spouses it will bring happiness to the whole family and enable them to live in peace and harmony throughout their life and afterlife.

The most famous Singalovada Sutta reveals the duties of husband and wife. According to this Sutta, the husbandโ€™s responsibilities are categorized as follows,

(i) By being courteous to her,

(ii) By not despising her,

(iii) By being faithful to her,

(iv) By handing over authority to her,

(v) By providing her with adornments.

On the other hand, as mentioned in the same Sutta, the wife should be mindful of five responsibilities towards her husband such as:

(i) She performs her duties well,

(ii) She is hospitable to relations and attendants

(iii) She is faithful,

(iv) She protects what he brings,

(v) She is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

Thus, by following these Buddhist concepts, anyone can get guidance in order to develop their moral character and thereby benefit in life. Consequently, moral thoughts will lead to protecting the bondage enriching relationships between the spouses and family members and creating a peaceful environment.

In the discourse of the seven wives (Satta Bhariya Sutta), the Buddha has categorized wives into seven types according to their characters as follows.

  1. A wife like a killer,
  2. A wife like a thief,
  3. A wife like a dictator,
  4. A wife like a mother,
  5. A wife like a sister,
  6. A wife like a friend, and
  7. A wife like a bondservant.

As mentioned above, the first three of these seven wives cannot be accepted as good and virtuous wives due to their bad behavior and deeds towards their husbands and other family members. According to their characteristic thoughts, they do not have mercy, engage in illicit affairs, do not respect their husbands, always try to discard the husbandโ€™s relations, steal the husbandsโ€™ earnings and valuable things, dictate bad, rough and hurtful words and try to control the husbands in every situation.

These three wives of killer, thief and dictator always bring unhappiness to the family which creates issues among the family members.

On the other hand, the other four wives motherly wife, sisterly wife, friendly wife, and bondservant wife possess good qualities, do good deeds, conduct themselves well, and act as friends towards their husbands in their daily lives.

Accordingly, these moralistic and good wives develop their mercy, sympathy and kindness, constantly protect their husbands, provide good food for them, take care of their husbands as their own elder brothers, stay close to them, develop friendly manners as friends, smiles and share jokes with understanding, use kind words, do not get angry, try to fulfill needs of husbands, do every domestic work cooperatively and willingly, always try to keep the family happy and are sincere, genuine to each and every relative of both families. Hence, the Buddha has advised to associate those wives because they are able to maintain and sustain the happiness among their children and husbands. As stated above, in this society, there are some husbands who ill-treat their wives like the first three wives.

On the other hand, we can find friendly husbands who protect their wives as fathers and elder brothers and uphold their happiness at home sharing and caring, leading a harmonious life.

The discourse of the Samvasa Sutta in the Anguttara Nikaya elucidates spouses in four ways. The Buddha has divided husbands and wives according to their wholesome and unwholesome thoughts, virtues, behavior and deeds.

Accordingly, the categorized spouses are:

1. A zombie man living with a zombie woman

2. A zombie man living with a Goddess

3. A God living with a zombie woman

4. A God living with a Goddess

The last category โ€˜A God and a Goddessโ€™ is the most wholesome, ideal pair as the husband and wife cooperate with everyone due to their good will and good conduct in society. They do not harm anyone and perform their duties and obligations to each other respectfully. They possess good qualities, and manners, believe in merits, demerits, and Karmic power (actions) according to Buddha’s teaching, and they avoid committing wrong deeds or unwholesome acts at all times.

In brief, Buddhism provides valuable insights into how to lead a happy married life. By following these principles and fulfilling their duties towards each other with love and attentiveness, couples can build a strong foundation for a long-lasting relationship. These diverse Buddhist teachings elaborate on how laymen and women can live harmoniously together enjoying marital bliss and leading a contented life in this short life span.